good news is that i know that a multi-day romp of moodiness is what people commonly refer to as pms
bad news is that my body still wants to treat every threatening emotion as if it were life threatening and plan for the apocalypse sense of doom and urgency and peace and quiet all at once something something, i wonder if i should be making more art and enjoying it, i’m desperate for it, tbh. even when i thought about this earlier, i thought about it like ‘i wonder if i should make more art instead of consuming it’ and by ‘it’ i mean ‘content’ not ‘art’.
aside from the very real reactionary opinions of those who have been writing or making art for a long time especially amdist this insane cultural and economic swing, something feels missing.
... season 3 episode 9, he offers to strip her floors. HE OFFERS TO STRIP HER WOODEN FLOOR BOARDS !!! eating siggis skyr (blueberry flavor) with two metal chopsticks today I finished listening to the audiobook of The Shadow of Kyoshi by F.C. Yee today. I was kind of bored by the premise of Kyoshi having to make peace between fire nation clans and all that but I did enjoy her finally getting to meet Kuruk. I think what blew me away and is prompting me to even review this like this is the final battle with Yun. Yun basically tells Kyoshi that he could kill all the people who looked up to him as the avatar and talks about how avatarhood is a curse.
... i am soooooooooooooooooooo excited to draw ! TENNIS !!! AAHAHHHHHHNGKSDGJKSAGSKDAGNSLDKGJA;SLDKFJA;SDLKNVKIADSHGLSIDVSKADJFLSADKMLCKNSLKASDKJLAKCDKFJASDLKJGADSKV;LASDKFL;SDAKGJL;ASKDJF
my knees hurt ! i haven’t lifted in what feels like over a month, but i know my quads are begging for attention to help cushion all that impact
i have nona the ninth and i read I Hear the Sunspot and I Hear the Sunspot: Theory of Happiness, but i mistakenly got I Hear the Sunspot: Limit vol 3, thinking that it was the third in the whole overall series, but no it’s the third in the Limit series which is its own thing.
... first boob sweat, ice cream, and centipede of the year !!! as always this a bout of health related issues makes me reevaluate my entire lifestyle. and something so mundane as acid reflux making me feel real actual life-or-death fear (it’s kinda like when you’re on el toro in six flags great adventure but over the course of a few days). anyway, i am chewing my food very thoroughly now, and it’s changing everything ♡ someone was wearing baccarat rouge 540 in front of me during the opening keynote at my work conference, so i listened to how Company wants to maximize profit and lower cost to the fragrant notes of saffron, amber, and cedar
♡ in Moonstruck (1987) starring cher and nic cage, loretta (cher’s character) is sending off johnny cammareri to sicily at jfk, and there’s this old witchy looking woman who’s like “I put a curse on that plane!
... there is a strand of long white hair in my copy of nose dive: a filed guide to the world’s smells by harold mcgee from the queens public library. it’s spread across the first chapter, right after the preface.
finding it hard to take my own advice. if i asked myself for help, i would have all the words and insight and perspective and yet none of those things can grab my face and squish it so i grit my teeth and steel myself and push my body through it, not around, but through
... very excited for hot chocolate ultimately, there’s probably a law out there somewhere about lesbians and exes and the cesspool that is each metropolitan city that has a community. i mean, i know there’s tons of jokes, but c’mon i’m asking for numbers and accuracy here severe lack of creating things lately. WOE IS ME !!!!!!!!!!!!
at least i have puppycat, at least the folks downstairs are gonna bring me tea since i ran out, at least i know the tried and true ways to feel better whenever i get sick anyway, though i did just eat a half packet of flaming hot cheetos, all my phlegm is clear, and i’m on my 6th bob’s burger episode i will watch under the tuscan sun i’m so mature, i’m so mature
my Mirror dvd copy is many days overdue, i have Bound and On The Beach at Night Alone copies are waiting for me. i still haven’t read the 3 volumes of Blue Period that i borrowed either.
but you know what i have read? Under Grand Hotel, baby B~)
anyway. pass the yaoi cocaine !!! valentina from white lotus s2e6 you are just like me frrrrrrrrr now tell me why i’m worried that mastodon is gonna get yucked up just like how twitter has been for ages now
objectively, it’s a baseless fear and a big part of my dissatisfaction with twitter how i was engaging with it. like, fandom twitter has been absolutely great and same twitters for specific interests. i think it started feeling absolutely yucked up when it became an ego thing or a comedian thing.
... i don’t think it’ll ever get more predictable, i feel like there will be more random days in december with 70deg weather, i feel like the hurricane names are gonna start sounding like the 5th grade roster in the fall, i think spring will feel wetter and more elusive, and babygirl, i think summer is going to become depressing and disorienting in ways we couldn’t previously imagine
the hopes and dreams and ~ intentions ~ i have for each upcoming season are beginning to feel stale.
... see this is what happens when you let peach dot cool die i absolutely cannot believe that aidan RE-DID CARRIE’S WOOD FLOORS and she cheated on him HER WOOD FLOORS !!! collective, joyous, unfiltered laughter??? in my apartment??? more likely than you think !!! what a gift it is to have the perfectly sized plate for what i want to eat, the perfectly sized bowl for a little yogurt and fruit i want to snack on, the perfectly sized and shaped wooden spoon to dig into a bowl of hot rice with fresh scallions that will catch the running egg yolk perfectly for each bite, the same tea but in a different mug like yes that’s the drink-something-warm-all-day-doesn’t-matter-if-it’s-diluted-hot-water-at-this-point mug vs.
... i brought back a pencil case from my old childhood closet and i found all the mechanical pencils from over ten years ago with which i used to take standardized tests, pass exams, write notes, letters, and homework due, draw so much anime, and lend borrow, lend borrow, lend again borrow again one more fucking app to download just to access my health records or to get an email from a doctor who’s just like ‘k see you soon’ but i gotta jump over ten thousand fire hoops like truly just kys this shit is evil !!! the sun is very much not up when i wake up now, but !!! i could see venus toward the south peeking above the two story family houses, orion directly above (being sure to not step on shit while i crane my neck up) with aldebaran being all orange and bright right beside it
eventually the temperatures will drop and the dew point will continue to get lower and lower and i will wear thermals under my sweatpants and waterproof shoes and my big winter jacket but i’ll also probably see even more stars and constellations and various phases of the moon
... kinda treating bugs like how immature parents treat their kids all like ‘i’m physically repulsed by you and fear you and to an extent, am fascinated by you, and i will force exposure between us again and again until i get used to you’ ok let’s talk about it – i’ve seen a total of 3 centipedes in my apartment so far. the first two were kinda jumpscares (for all parties involved probably) and i did sleep in the living room that night (because that was going to do something about my heart beating so fast and a generally stressful week).
the third and most recent was tonight, not even 5 minutes ago after i came home from dropping dinner off for a friend.
... biking south over a bridge during sunrise ! goodbye to summer on this sunday ! every once in a while i’ll think about that tumblr post that’s like if your parents make 100k+ i don’t wanna see your art went to hit by the bball courts a few days ago and saw this lil guy by the metal fence where i set my backpack down
my immediate reaction was to get it to pop over on my index finger but i was like ok wait, lemme check who you are first. i uploaded the second pic to iNaturalist and started hitting the wall1.
i got an ID, like, 43 minutes later and it turns out it’s a blue-eyed ensign wasp.
... What if I started writing in full and complete sentences? here’s what happens on the best day ever:
i wake up at 4:30, stretch, open the windows. it’s fucking dark. that’s fine say hi to puppycat, give him a little stretch go on my phone, scroll anime twitter, scroll tumblr, peep any DMs from ln PRE-WORKOUT 5:00-6:00 gym, it’s upper body day >:) 6:05 bike to the tennis courts, practice serves for like a half hour. maybe play pick up if there are people around 7:00, feed puppycat, finish owyn vanilla protein drink, shower 7:30ish - go to the diner, get the scrambled eggs, turkey sausage, home fries, rye bread with butter, NO COFFEE 8:30, pay, leave, stand on that trigger point ball, look at email, answer time sensitive texts pick up things that aren’t in their place and put them away.
... fuck it !!! going to buy mangoes 🥭 life is continuing, continuing i’m nearly half way through kokou no hito and i was inspired to read this manga because
when i went to south florida earlier this spring, i was waiting for a friend to come back from the restroom at a barnes and noble we ducked into on my last evening there. i was flipping through the few big coffee table type books that were showcased, thick, hardcover, glossy pages. i started with architecture ones but then saw one about a photographer who followed a few mountain climbers as they scaled up k2.
... here’s how you make breakfast tomatoes:
small, sweet tomatoes. can be those that are off the vine, cherry, grape, campari, whichever. but you should be able to hold only, like, two comfortably in one hand, and they should be sweet olive oil salt pepper white wine vinegar instructions:
first wash the tomatoes in a medium size bowl use a knife to cut them in half or quarters depending on the size of the tomatoes and your preference after they’re rinsed and cut, a pinch of salt over the tomatoes in that same bowl.
... maybe i’ll just fucking eat the fruit flies, huh, how about that i’m still thinking about this unbelievable chicken
i will say, it’s tough as fuck, super lemon-y, and definitely cooked B~) i just made the most unbelievable chicken
bro, this is the kind of cooked meat that belongs on a fried meme. it’s almost fully pale barely yellowish and golden from the light frying i did and mostly helped by the butter (shouts to butter)
forcing myself to do something i don’t want to while i’m so angry or sad is also delightfully funny because. like. what, is this raw chicken going to kill me ?
... puppycat loves to sleep on his litter mat (which is actually a bathmat i bought for $15 at target because it’s washable and effective as opposed to other litter mats which are actual garbage) and it bothers me so much bc yuck !! that’s where all your pee and poop particles are :( stop dorulu-ing in it ndngndkgndgn
but i get it tbh it’s the only comfy place in this room where i work and he wants to just hang out <3 stupid ass….
... i need to be playing catch with a baseball and glove rn undid months of distance from garbage accounts that stressed me out, enabled unbecoming behavior, and generally were empty, hollow, pits of tired ass echos by logging into all of them and catching up at lightning speed within the span of 40 mins and took, like, 10000000 pts of psychic damage 😎😎😎 i miss the modells by ditmars !!! wearing evangelion merch as a protective shield against skeptical christians in the area GOD’S IN HIS HEAVEN. ALL’S RIGHT WITH THE WORLD. wondering what the difference is between the punisher symbol with the american flag and then the regular one. both kinda suck, i think i’m on the dsny scheduled pick up site every week, juuuuust to be sure i miss dancing !
... john coltrane’s lush life is playing on 89.9 fm (ok fine, wkcr) right now
my windows are open and it’s cooler today and also a lil breezy so the sheer curtains are billowing gently. these windows are east facing (mostly) so when the sun sets it feels like a surprise every time because it’s so quick
ugh, i still can’t believe i lost to my opponent today (both of us ~3.
... bro how are they making two movies but no s5 :~(
bye-kyuu fr ALL ! I DO ! EVERY SINGLE DAY ! IS BREAK DOWN CARDBOARD !!! bro i am becoming so increasingly worried about playing this 4.5 lv player today that ln i had a dream that i was doing everything in my power to avoid this match which is insane bc, damn, am i really that afraid to lose? and also, damn, why am i so convinced that i’m going to lose in the first place???
anyway the dream also was about this rando girl from middle school who had a similar name to the 4.
... finished reading the left hand of darkness last night, and i’m inconsolable