yuqiboy

I’ve spent less than 5 minutes back on SoundCloud and I feel like music is worth listening to and discovering again.

I’ve been saying that I’ve been in a “music slump” for almost over a year now. I thought of various things that might help me out:

• going to live shows
• learning to play an instrument
• listening to just noise

But none of those really worked. Live shows because I haven’t gone to one since the pandemic started and am still a bit too worried about crowds. Also because the kinds of music and musicians I want to see live have dwindled down so much, I don’t even know who I’d love to see that much anyway. (I am going to see Chinese Football in October after Annie told me they’re playing, but even this I’m mostly interested in getting a look at their merch lol)

Need to get my ass to Iceland, to Colorado.

We need more lifeguards, NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I swam exactly 5 pathetic laps in the Astoria pool before they closed lap swim and moved everyone to general swim because there weren’t enough lifeguards. The rec center I signed up for, thinking they had lap swim open at 7am, actually starts their hours at 11am. Fuck this baka life !!!

Fuck this stupid ass piece of shit garbage holiday. Fuck having to have it off and listen to fireworks go off for days leading up to this evening. Fuck the fireworks that are going off right now.

I feel like I’m losing my mind. I feel like I’m just playing a Sim of myself at parties and social gatherings. I literally love being alive. I feel so much enjoyment in the creative things I do, I love seeing the bees in the sunflowers that my neighbors plant in the plot of soil on the sidewalk in front of their house every single summer. And I’m still paying thousands and thousands of dollars for this fuck ass country to bomb and kill the shit out of people abroad and also right here in this city.

These Fragile Graces, This Fugitive Heart by Izzy Wasserstein

Okay, honestly one of the boringest books I’ve made myself finish in a long time. But as soon I got to the part where Dora was gonna fuck her clone Theo, I was back in. And then calling him her twin? Okay go off..

Still predictable ending and I couldn’t really care for the characters much. Maybe because it’s a novella so it’s short? Or maybe I because I found myself cringing at the queer future in this world. Anyway, glad it’s over!

• cold showers
• multiple cold showers (morning and evening, and sometimes, a mid-afternoon)
• seeing the moooooooooonnnn and having the phase show up on my locked phone screen so I know what to call it that day
• recognizing bittersweet, vining honeysuckle, bush honeysuckle, virginia creeper, wine berry, poison ivy, porcelain berry, tree of heaven, sumac
• learning about the functionality of the hip joints and muscles and closing my eyes at the gym when warming up to better feel them move inside of me
• cuddling puppycat on the daybed
• eating more lentils and chickpeas and rice and less xanthan gum and guar gum
• enjoying a honeydew melon creamsicle while wearing green shoes, pants, and top while sitting on my front steps