Pillion

I don’t remember where exactly I heard of this movie first, but when I read the premise I was like, okay let’s fkn go. That was a month ago and I figured I would have to find a version online somewhere at some point. Super happy I got to see it in a big theatre (AMC 13, yay).

I was really, really touched and endeared. There was an aching (for something, romance, attention) from Harry Melling’s character Colin that was so, like, real feeling. When you have nothing, and have nothing to lose, and so you can lose yourself entirely to a person, under whose gaze you can feel like have something, finally, maybe even be somebody.

Alexander Skarsgard was obviously amazing at being hot as Ray. Another thing I love, seeing full frontal on a big screen. Though they didn’t have it in its entirety, there were great shots of dick. Whatever ache or yearning that Colin had, I felt something of equal magnitude coming from Ray, but it was sharper and more of a wall. I don’t know, I really get that feeling though. Of knowing exactly what it is you want, and someone is there able to - even willing to - fulfill all of it for you. I get that the things that Ray asks Colin to do come off as wild, rude, mean, denigrating, humiliating and however under negotiated, there’s a beat of comedy and absurdity in these scenes. Which is why the most shocking and chilling part was when Colin repeatedly kept trying to get into Ray’s bed against his wishes.

The next day, their domestic, vanilla, chill date together was so sweet, it was almost sickening, and then it really was sickening. There’s a scene toward the very end, after they kiss for the first time, the way Ray’s face crumples, and then Colin’s reaction to his face, and some moment of clarity and realization hits them both. The inevitable reality that they are not for one another, that this relationship will categorically end.

What struck me the most is that throughout the movie, though Ray is presented as the one more experienced in the D/s scene, he is also clearly an immature dom. When we see other members of the biker gang having distinctly varying levels of D/s relationships and negotiations, when no one is surprised that Ray is borrowing another sub, when Ray seems estranged even from the ones he apparently spends most of his social time with. It really was heartbreaking. Is there someone out there who is able, willing, really really wanting, even, to be a 24/7 sub for him, with no romantic strings attached? Because after that date, it’s definitely not Colin.

I appreciated the uplifting tone in the end. Colin, despite the shock of being totally ghosted by someone he was physically and emotionally entrenched with for months, was able to better articulate his desires and boundaries. A lot of first relationships are like this, I’m sure. (Not the, uh, everything, but the fact that despite it not working out, you ultimately learn a lot about yourself and also the world.)

Other things I liked: The comedic beats with Colin’s parents, his mom especially being so openly caring and loving toward her son even if it comes across as suffocating or rude. She loves her family. Seeing parts of the biker gang’s lifestyle and the way they’re organized for fun, merrymaking, sex. The spectrum of various ages and abilities in the gang. Of course, there will always be a place in my heart for scenes with bikes and cars going really fast on empty streets, late at night.

Ultimately, I love a romcom. There was no romance in the romantic sense though, as in romantic relationship. There was no romance between Ray and Colin. But the way in which their relationship bloomed and opened up Colin’s world from what it was previously was romantic. Colin articulating what he likes and wants was romantic.

After the movie, because I was in the area, I hit up Rasmi for dinner and ended up dining with him and Claire. Rasmi told us that pillion is a term used to describe the second seat on a ride, like a motorcycle or scooter. Riding pillion! That is so romantic <3