Fuck this stupid ass piece of shit garbage holiday. Fuck having to have it off and listen to fireworks go off for days leading up to this evening. Fuck the fireworks that are going off right now.

I feel like I’m losing my mind. I feel like I’m just playing a Sim of myself at parties and social gatherings. I literally love being alive. I feel so much enjoyment in the creative things I do, I love seeing the bees in the sunflowers that my neighbors plant in the plot of soil on the sidewalk in front of their house every single summer. And I’m still paying thousands and thousands of dollars for this fuck ass country to bomb and kill the shit out of people abroad and also right here in this city.

Organizing through labor feels more and more like a self-congratulatory practice for myself in navigating centuries old entrenched bureaucracy and less and less like an actual arm of the left that can mobilize and enact change. Or maybe I’m just feeling overwhlelmed and impatient. Something something urgency is a core tenant of white supremacy. But bro, I don’t think we’re gonna gentle parent ourselves outta this situation.

I feel so robbed, like we’re literally never going to space again. That’s what I’m crying about??? I learned about galaxies before I learned about the moon landing so I thought that we were already doing intergalactic travel when I was, like, 10 or something. Why are we still making T-shirts with an ironed on decal of Naruto made half out of plastic that bounce around 4 different countries and why am I legitimately tempted by ads for them every single time?

I know I’m not alone in feeling this way, and I’m grateful for the people I’m able to unload on about all this. But sometimes I feel like we all need to shake each others shoulders and ask if we’re still here and real and ‘Are you fucking seeing all this shit?’

The annoying ass bluejay who lives in the tree across from my apartment is screaming and honestly, I’m more than happy to hear that over the fireworks. Gonna go watch Terminator 2 and hope that the NYPL late fees I’m racking up are only jokes until I return it.