yuqiboy

Fuck this stupid ass piece of shit garbage holiday. Fuck having to have it off and listen to fireworks go off for days leading up to this evening. Fuck the fireworks that are going off right now.

I feel like I’m losing my mind. I feel like I’m just playing a Sim of myself at parties and social gatherings. I literally love being alive. I feel so much enjoyment in the creative things I do, I love seeing the bees in the sunflowers that my neighbors plant in the plot of soil on the sidewalk in front of their house every single summer. And I’m still paying thousands and thousands of dollars for this fuck ass country to bomb and kill the shit out of people abroad and also right here in this city.

These Fragile Graces, This Fugitive Heart by Izzy Wasserstein

Okay, honestly one of the boringest books I’ve made myself finish in a long time. But as soon I got to the part where Dora was gonna fuck her clone Theo, I was back in. And then calling him her twin? Okay go off..

Still predictable ending and I couldn’t really care for the characters much. Maybe because it’s a novella so it’s short? Or maybe I because I found myself cringing at the queer future in this world. Anyway, glad it’s over!

• cold showers
• multiple cold showers (morning and evening, and sometimes, a mid-afternoon)
• seeing the moooooooooonnnn and having the phase show up on my locked phone screen so I know what to call it that day
• recognizing bittersweet, vining honeysuckle, bush honeysuckle, virginia creeper, wine berry, poison ivy, porcelain berry, tree of heaven, sumac
• learning about the functionality of the hip joints and muscles and closing my eyes at the gym when warming up to better feel them move inside of me
• cuddling puppycat on the daybed
• eating more lentils and chickpeas and rice and less xanthan gum and guar gum
• enjoying a honeydew melon creamsicle while wearing green shoes, pants, and top while sitting on my front steps

I’m trying to figure out how to sustain the feeder insects I feed to Dark Magician. I still only have flightless fruit flies (Drosophilia hydei) but the culture gets so gross so fast :( I looked up how to reuse the cups and kill the flies in a really old cup and found this really endearing poster responding to someone who was kind of a dick about killing the flies (“I kill flies in many ways, they’re just flies” blah blah)

Every time I see the sunset on my roof or a moon on a clear night, I’m like yippieeeeee

I used to feel like rainy days were only nice for being cozy and indoors, but now I love seeing all the worms and damp grass smell, even if they’re on the sidewalks, even if it’s the moss growing on a cobblestone

I saw the most beautiful girl today. Like, it made me kind of understand the Trojan War, that kind of beautiful. Like if she got kidnapped by an opposing nation, I would no doubt go to war just to make sure she’s back home safe. If we didn’t have internet and I can only think of women I’ve ever seen in real life, and I saw this girl today, I would be like, okay this is it, this is the most beautiful a person could be that I could also witness. But I’m also not being crazy right now, I won’t say that she’s necessarily for everyone, but it’s like… something about her makes me want to write poems and also do 20 push ups. So grateful I get to feel like this :")